While I am only one day into my stay in Chiang Mai, I have discovered that Thailand has some of my favorite things: Thai food, an obsession with washing feet, and massages.
Today I happened to find a place that combined all three: Lila’s Thai Massage. Lila’s Thai Massage was started 40 years ago to “help support the lives of newly released inmates.” Now, for reasons I haven’t quite figured out, a shockingly high percentage of massage shops in Chiang Mai employ ex-inmates. In fact, I’m getting a massage tomorrow at a place called “Women’s Massage Center by Ex-Prisoners.”
You may be slightly nervous to get a massage from a prior inmate, and I did think that it was a poor translation at first. But, I was so intrigued by the concept—and always have been a fan of second chances—that I walked inside Lila’s and asked for a one-hour Thai full body massage.
Now, Thailand is known for massages. In fact, walking down the street you see shop next to shop next to shop offering these services. Yet, the crazy part is that these massages are dirt cheap. I’m talking 100-200 baht for one hour. That equates to $2.95 - $5.90 USD!! I would get a massage every day at this price; however, the limiting factor may actually be soreness from the previous day’s massage.
This entire post is going to sound a little weird WHEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT. So, reader, keep it in context! (FYI, the “out of context” massages in Thailand apparently do exist. However, those are not going to be the massage shops that are visible from main streets).
Alright, so rewind: I was super sweaty, fairly sunburned, and my feet hurt from walking around all day. So, one of three of those meant that it was time for a massage...and I was very happy that Lila’s was able to take me under these conditions off the street.
Pre-Massage
As soon as I walked into the outdoor reception and paid 200 baht, I was escorted to a foot bath. In Thai culture, feet are very important. You do not point them at Buddha, you take shoes off when entering someone’s home, and you wash your feet quite frequently. I had already adapted some of those habits (I don’t encounter many Buddhas in my day-to-day back home), so I was very pleased that this was an immediate priority.
Someone washed my feet clean with cucumbers and an exfoliating scrub, and then instructed me to slip into a large pair of indoor sandals. I bowed to the foot cleaner (who may have had the worst job) to express my appreciation, then followed someone to obtain my “massage clothes.”
These clothes looked like scrubs, but they were far less intuitive to put on. The shirt was fairly simple: short-sleeve button down. But, the pants actually required directions, as they initially looked like they could fit someone with a 60+ inch waist.
After a few minutes of trial and error, I left the change room to enter an extremely air conditioned room of massage beds. The beds were probably no more than two to three feet away from each other, and there was already someone lying down on one of them.
My masseuse had already poured me a cup of hot Thai tea, which I drank uncomfortably quickly. She was maybe 5-feet tall, very humble, and didn’t speak much English.
I went on to learn that my masseuse had the acrobatics of a lemur and the hands of a gorilla. And on top of that, she was extremely knowledgeable of biomechanics and the musculoskeletal system. Basically, she was a Super Evolved Human/Monkey. I wish I caught her name because I would write her an amazing TripAdvisor review.
For now, we’ll call her SEHM (and pronounce it like “Sam” for ease). I’m not 100% sure that SEHM was an ex-prisoner, but I wouldn’t be surprised. She seemed tough underneath her extremely polite, humble exterior.
The Massage
For a traditional Thai massage, you remain fully clothed and there are no oils. It is a combination of yoga, stretching, chiropractics, pressure points, and massage.
Basically, you need to be a dead fish as the masseuse contorts your body.
SEHM started out massaging each leg. She moved with consistent strokes down my shins, calves, quads, and other muscles. Then, she sat on the massage table, grabbed my leg and placed it on her lap. At this point, she targeted pressure points with her dagger-like elbows. This was slightly painful, but I bit my lip and let SEHM continue.
She tested the range of motion of my knees, ankles, hips, by standing on the table and moving my leg with my foot. I knew each leg was “done” when she quickly extended it so that the knee nearly locked.
SEHM progressed through each limb in a similar manner, cracking every knuckle possible. It seemed so scientific and robotic that I completely forgot that there was someone else lying down next to me receiving the same treatment (from another SEHM).
Once I turned onto my stomach, I couldn’t quite tell what SEHM was doing. I knew she was also on the massage table, but I had NO IDEA what weird contortions she had to do to deliver this massage. At one point, I felt the soles of both her feet and one hand (two feet on the back of my legs, one hand holding my arm). I’m guessing her other hand was holding onto a pole or something sturdy.
In her limited English, she asked me to lock hands with her. Then she pulled my arms back so that my head and chest lifted from the table. She did that a handful of times (rather forcefully) until my back cracked.
SEHM never ceased to surprise me, and toward the end of our hour, I was completely bewildered.
“Sit up, forward” she instructed me very directly.
Through some confusing looks on both parts, I gathered that I had to sit cross-legged and bend forward. I really thought that we had done just about everything at this point—making both of us move in bizarre directions on and around the table. But, she grabbed my head pillow and rested it on my back. Then through some magical balancing act, she Superman-ed.
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| (Not real picture of SEHM. Credit here) |
And just like that, SEHM’s performance was done. My body had cracked dozens of times and my muscles felt relieved (and slightly sore). I returned to my regular clothes, still laughing from what just happened, and walked out of Lila’s.
Tomorrow, I’m off to another spa by ex-inmates to see if all these massages are like this...I hope so.
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