Who is Albert Heijn?

No, it’s not the Dutch version of Albert Einstein (I asked that). He’s also not a politician, musician, author, or anyone of Nobel-prize winning importance. Instead, he created his namesake, my new favorite grocery store.

Albert Heijn (pronounced like “hein” of Heinz ketchup) grocery stores populate most streets in The Hague. You know you’re close to one when you see blue signs that say, “Ah.” Sometimes, you might even see two “Ah’s.” Those stores are even more special and coincidentally, slightly bigger.

Thankfully, my Dutch friend, Jorrit, accompanied me on my first visit to Albert Heijn. While he just wanted to buy eggs and bread, this became a magical Disneyworld experience for me.

Albert Heijn proved to be extremely prolific and completely dominated the grocery store industry in his time, so we didn’t have to walk far down the straat to find a blue “Ah.” While the outside entrance hid only behind a small blue sign, the internal entry required passing through mini, yet intimidating “laser beam” gates. Go figure, I let Jorrit enter first.

Once we safely passed the barrier, we turned left to see multiple guns, each charging in their own little pocket on a wall.  “Wow, they give you personal price checkers!” I stated bewildered.

“No, no. Those are self-scanners if you want to check out faster. You scan the items, then put them directly into your bag,” he corrected me.

My eyes widened.

See, Albert Heijn instills SO MUCH TRUST in their shoppers that I couldn’t initially believe it. They let you scan all your own items. Around the store. Yourself. Then, you put the items in your own bag before you find a point of sale system near the exit to pay.

Duh, we got a scanner.

To grab a scanner he had to swipe his Albert Heijn keychain card. We waited a long, dramatic three seconds before one of the pockets on the wall lit up. THAT’S IT. THAT’S OURS. I quickly dashed to the lit up scanner.

“Obviously” you aren’t supposed to scan items that you don’t intend to pay for. Whatever you scan is what you intend to leave the store with. So, I had to resist the urge to test my new toy on every item.

Walking down the aisles also proved to be an eye-opening experience into the heart of Dutch food.

I noticed a few staple items walking around Albert Heijn. The first was cheese. Some cheeses I saw included Leerdamer and Leyden cheese. (So far the cheeses that I have eaten here would not be described as “stinky” or “strong,” rather “smooth” and “mild.”) Apparently, there are an absurd number of cows in The Netherlands. Cows and bikes. In fact, one of those produces roughly 10 billion liters of milk per year! I wasn’t going to leave without some Leyden cheese. BEEP. Into the bag.

The second plentiful item I noticed were stroopwafels. Not only did I learn that Dutch people actually eat these—they weren’t just for tourists—but one substantial section of an aisle was dedicated to them. Stroopwafels contain sugar, molasses, and probably more sugar. I have been told that they are fantastic alternatives for Cliff or Power Bars during workouts, and you can also rest them on top of a mug of hot tea or milk so that they melt and become gooey. Multi-purpose and tasty?! BEEP.

When it finally came time to pay (substantially later), we had to part with our scanner. To do so, we placed it back in the wall of pockets and made our way to one of the point of sale systems. BEEP. Jorrit scanned his Albert Heijn card this time, quickly followed by his debit card.

Payment prompted an Albert Heijn employee to come over and briefly glance at our bag, just to ensure that we were not kleptomaniacs. Once given the okay (in Dutch), we slid back through the laser beam gates and walked out the store.

While I’m sure the appeal of Albert Heijn eventually fades, it truly “ahed” me at my first interaction. The next day I ended up returning alone, which wasn’t quite as successful and required some assistance from one of the employees. Yet sure enough, it not only provided childish excitement but became an excellent way to learn about Dutch cuisine and temporarily be local.

Thank you, Albert. Until next time...very soon.